The Bachelor, A Husband's Commentary: Episode 4

LET’S GET IT STARTED, Y’ALL. But first, get caught up on last week. 

“Corinne is super aggressive and has no remorse.”

“Corinne leads with her sexuality.”

That's what we're starting out with. Can we not? Let’s just jump into this "tense," "drama-filled" rose ceremony. Roses go to:

  • Raven
  • Taylor
  • Danielle L
  • Whitney (WHO IS SHE? I’ve never seen this woman in my life.)
  • Christina
  • Jasmine
  • Alexis (keeping the show weird since 2017)
  • Astrid
  • Danielle M Jamie
  • Josephine
  • Sarah
  • Corinne

Go away, Chris Harrison.

  • Final rose: I forgot. Not Kristen.
  • Rose from dates: Vanessa and Rachel

This week, we’re off to Milwaukee. It took me 4 attempts to spell that correctly. The only thing I know about Millwalkee is that there’s a lot of beer there.

Nick’s mom's haircut reminds me of something...oh yeah, now I remember:

1-on-1 date: Danielle L

I’m sorry, Danielle. You got the lamest date possible. Just wandering around downtown and eating pastries. The ex-girlfriend is the most staged thing ever. ABC, y’all got to do better. This was an opportunity for Nick to put someone in a really uncomfortable situation.

But what’s more romantic than going to a pastry shop? Kissing on a hill above a rec soccer field. NAILED IT.

Can we all just rally around Danielle L and say that it’s not a flaw if your parents are divorced? It’s not your fault. Congrats on the rose, btw. Does anyone NOT get a rose on a 1-on-1? I’m just wondering.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. And it’s sh!tty country music. I’d like to say I was kidding, but I 100% muted the TV during this part. Sorry if I missed something important. I motion to start a petition: no more dancing on stages. It’s awkward for everyone involved. And it’s boring.

Just remember, I’m shipping Danielle vs. Danielle showdown. You heard it here first (last week). 

Group Date: Down on the farm

“Oh my god, it smells so bad.”
“Cows and nature. Okay….”

Well, what did you expect? This?

“I’d rather be in a spa being fed a taco. Preferably chicken.” Okay, to be fair, wouldn’t everyone at all times rather be in that situation? Also, please point me in the direction of spas with tacos. I would 100000% go get a facial with Maggie if I was being fed tacos.

This date sucks, too. What’s worse are all the Bachelor peeps saying y’all without any claim to it. Just. Don’t. Unless you’re Raven.

Farm chores: “Wtf is a farm chore?”

  1. Bailing hay

  2. Feeding cows

  3. Milking a cow

  4. Shoveling slop

  5. Making fun of Corinne

Lots of poop jokes on this date. Move along.

1-on-1: Raven

Soccer, skating, meet the family. It’s nothing extraordinarily exciting, but the longer I watched, the more I realized: this is real life. People don’t go on helicopter rides to yachts. They go to the skating rink. Bad TV, good for an actual date.

“I picked her stiletto up off the ground and beat him over the head with it.” - Raven, embodying every Gretchen Wilson song ever. Don’t mess with this woman. Don’t cheat on her. Except, wait, that’s sorta how The Bachelor works...nevermind.

Another 1-on-1, another rose. Someone please help me out because I’m just assuming this always happens at this point.

It wouldn't be this season of The Bachelor without ANOTHER episode of The Corrine Confrontation.

Okay, we get it - Corinne is immature. I swear she's always drunk. She naps a lot, although I would definitely take any and all pointers from her on napping. She's really dismissive. Taylor decided that she needed to call her out on this. I don't see why, but apparently this whole villain plot line happens every season. I guess we'll get to see how this wraps up next week.

Meanwhile, Alexis after the credits...


See y'all next week. More Bachelor posts: